Being in control doesn't always work in real life

Isn’t it strange how parenthood works? If you are a parent yourself, maybe you will recognize this: you tend to compare your child to the child you were yourself, all those years ago. At least, that’s how it works for me, I do know that my daughter is her own person, but still, I often remember how I was at her age. I was always eager to learn, found a number of topics very interesting, and didn’t have much trouble studying.

A couple of weeks ago we got great news: our daughter had passed her final exams! It was a tense time, as she isn’t the type to study all kinds of general topics just for the sake of knowledge. Hence my remark: I often compared and wondered how different she was in her studies. control-freak-quote, being in control, things my way
And to be honest, I guess I can be a control freak: I spent years trying to get her to study like I used to, which of course often resulted in some discussion. To my defense, I just couldn’t understand her not feeling compelled to make use of all the sources of information that is at our fingertips nowadays. Back in the late ‘70’s I wanted my parents to buy an Encyclopedia, which would make it easier for me to look up all I needed to know to make a good paper to present to my teacher without the need to go to the library to get my information. (they didn’t by the way, costly things at the time)  Now I envy the students of this day and age: how easy is it to check out the things you find interesting on the internet! Everything is found on the digital highway! Don’t understand a certain part of the text you have to study? Check out the definition online, try to find a Youtube video where the topic is explained in a more visual way. That would have been bliss to me.students, studying, parenting, knowledge

Reminiscing about the fact that I like to be in control I concluded that maybe my choice in gaming reflects this: I like RPG or SIM games, where I don’t have to resort to button mashing, but I stay in control of what happens. Carefully leveling up or making the virtual world look like I want to. Plus, I can go online to my heart’s content and look up all I can find about the game. My daughter is happy: now she can now proceed with the sort of education that is more fitting for her, a more creative education. And this time I wish I was in her shoes: how amazing it would be to have the talent she has to create without having to resort to knowledge-gathering like her mother!


  1. Great post!! I can definitely relate! We as mothers AND WOMEN love to be in control!! But what a wonderful gift it is to LET GO and just be at peace, enjoying and learning and growing, sometimes through mistakes. You sound like you’re doing such a great job, Mama. Thank you for sharing this lovely reflection!

  2. I can relate, at least to the gaming bit since I don’t have any children (yet). While I love many different types of games, when it comes to multiple character RPGs or strategy games I really prefer turn-based systems for the same reason. Control. That’s the main reason why I couldn’t bring myself to finish the first Kingdom Hearts. I mean, Donald and Goofy kept sucking down all the health potions without my permission! I need time to think and plan for all of the little pieces I’m responsible for.

    1. I totally hear you! I tried playing Kingdom Hearts because it looked so good, but I just couldn’t get into it. For some time I felt a bit like a gaming failure for just wanting to play turn based battles, but I guess I’m not alone in wanting control!

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